Dear Joe,You can call me Mitch, I'm 25 years old and is presently working here in Makati under one of the most prestigious Software Developer Firm, I worked as a systems engineer and been undergoing series of training here and abroad. Career wise I can say I'm taking the prime of it, but as the saying goes you can't always have "both".
Ever since I was a kid I had always been thankful to God for all the blessings that I had been receiving all these years. I graduated high school as class valedictorian and ended up Cum Laude upon completing my engineering course. After which, jobs were coming everywhere, looking for me and I even managed to bid for a good compensating salary considering I was just then a fresh graduate.
A lot of my friends would admire me for these achievements and wishing they were on my shoes. Little did they know it was something I would like to exchange with them for a little happiness.
I'm no man-hater type, I've had five relationships since high school and all were failures.
I was easily attracted with man who possesses real tough minds and matured people, just like my first serious relationship with my 4th boyfriend Roy, he's the kind of man any woman would envy about, he's 8 years my senior, very responsible and a real secure and stable person and we started going steady when I was just on my Junior years in College, we went on for almost 5 years, and I felt like I was the luckiest person on earth to have been blessed with so much, to have Roy of course and a promising career ahead of me. Roy and I had a real good time together, we get along pretty well, and because I felt so sure about him we unavoidably reached the peak of intimacies.
Before I graduated college Roy asked me to marry him, I was hesitant of doing anything that might ruined my career's future, so as expected, I gave him a "NO" and asked him to wait at least 3-5 years. He unwillingly agreed about the idea, but I knew he somehow felt misprioritized. Six months after prior to that proposal, things were no longer the same, we were still together but just for the sake of it. We both started to feel that we're slowly drifting apart and that the feelings had lost its intensity. Until one day, to my surprise I received a letter from him breaking me the news of marrying someone whom he had gotten pregnant.
We parted ways Joe, I had no other choice I guess, I've learned to live my life all over again, and picked up my pieces on the floor.
Summer of 1997, I met Reggie, we worked on the same corporation but different branches on a company summer outing at Palawan. The timing was perfect, the air was just blowing romance to its places, we've had a 5 long days together on a place almost paradise for me (and I hope for him too). He has always been so vocal about his admiration towards me, we became no strangers to each other in no time at all, I introduced him to my family and likewise I was known to their family. Everything seemed going just right for both of us and I could say Roy was totally out of the picture.
Until one night after coming home from a party I got really drunk, he took me home to my pad, and yes Joe, once again something has gotten between us, he knew about Roy but I didn't mention anything about my virginity. In the morning he was stunned and mad and he really felt cheated, I tried explaining to him that I don't have any plans of keeping it from him I was just looking for a perfect time to get me by, but he didn't listen he walked out from me, without a word, since then he stopped calling me and eventually stopped seeing me. I was devastated and I felt the whole world is on me, I didn't run after him, I tried to be as strong as ever, I let go of him, I didn't even try calling him or beg him to stay, and I succeed I recovered my self from it.
After 3 months, I saw him again in one of the employee's gathering, I was pretentious, trying to make him feel I'm okay, but deep inside I know I was hurting and I pitied my self. He initiated an invitation for dinner you know that old line "for old time's sake". At first I hesitated, but I just don't want him to realize I was still nursing my self after the broke up,and so I agreed, he told me how sorry he was, that he was just struck deep the night he left me and still confused and that he wanted me back for whatever it cost. He again courted me, give me his bed of roses promises and again let him get into my life.
Joe he's very different now, with our previous relationship, he talks about marriage but now he even hate the thought of it, before when he fetched me home a good night kiss was enough to give him a good sleep, but now he always wanted us to end up in bed. I hate the thought of being "used and abused" but this is what exactly I am going through right now. Does he really love me? Did he really accept me regardless of my past? I feel so stupid over these things. I wanted to break up with him and start things all over again, my family doesn't know what had just transpired in my life, I don't want to disappoint them for any reason, because they had always been so proud of me. I'm confused, after Reggie would there be another man?, who will just use me upon learning of my past? I'm afraid things might just go on circles and circles with no end. Please help me. I had prayed to God a lot of times and I know often he heard me, but when my humanity speaks I just can't resist Reggie.
Joe last week I just got an email from Roy, and he's now separated from his wife, he has gotten his child because he's more capable financially speaking, he said he wants me back and still loves me more than anyone else he had ever loved. Somehow I wanted to accept him considering the fact it's just proper I end up with the man who has gotten me first, but things are more complicated now, he's married and I don't want to be a mistress at the age of 26, maybe when I reach the age of 30, I can entertain the thought.. (just kidding) but I'm dead serious Joe please help me. Thank you for sparing time reading this piece of mine. God bless and more power.
Sincerely,
Mitch
Dear Mitch,Virginity has always been a sensitive issue in many relationships.There are men who still value greatly a woman's chastity and would always want to have her first.. But the sad fact is, not all first relation- ships become our last and there are many women who lose their virginity to their first boyfriends. Does this mean that these women are doomed to ail in their succeeding relationships? Well, I don't think so. Many couples do not end up with their first be a us but they end up with happy marriages. I believe that this would only be an issue if there is no transparency in a relationship.
If you made a mistake in giving into your first failed relationship then make sure your next boyfriend knows that he wasn't the first. This is where many relation- ships are strained - women taking the risk of not telling their boyfriends about it. Men are likely to discover it one way or another, and if you take them by surprise, they would feel cheated, get mad and get even. Then you can bid your relationship goodbye again.
Mitch, there is only one simple rule. A man who loves you would care less about your past but a man who doesn't would live in it and use it to hurt you and find his way out.We all make mistakes. Women give into men who they thought would be their forever.
If they only knew they wouldn't end up together,many of them would have been more careful in letting their passion take over.But what's done is done. No woman goes to the doctor to have her virginity stitched back. She just has to go on and find someone who would accept her for what she was and love her for what she is.
Mitch, Reggie doesn't love you. He just wants you. Don't waste your life wanting him for you will only end up miserable knowing that you have been used and abused by someone who never cared about you at all. Pray for strength so you would have enough courage to desist your passionate desires and live your life the way you should. Stop hurting your self and don't think that you would never find someone who can embrace your past. Mitch, give yourself a chance and you will find them an whose love will see beyond your mistakes. The man who will understand you for all that you have been, accept you for what you have become and love you for what you truly are.
Joe
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